accomplished twins. life is a go
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
