let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
