I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
