Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I heard we made out
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
