xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
