I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
