uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
