his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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