Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
