Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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