HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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