Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
