is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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