its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
