Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you inspire me to be a worse person
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
