I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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