hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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