Fine. I'll sleep in my office
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
