I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
