So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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