Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
