I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
