I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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