idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
