Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
