The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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