Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
