And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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