Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
