My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
