this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
