I wish I could punch you in the face.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
