Nicole vs. Life
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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