The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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