His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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