Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
