I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
