No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
