Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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