He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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