Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
