well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
