I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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