Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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