His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
