shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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