Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
