i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
