He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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