i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
