Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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