Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
