Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
