When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
